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revise my english draft based on feedback jenni


This is much improved. The easier is very clear and easy to read. It makes a clear argument that age should not be considered in insurance premiums.

Two things are missing: counterarguments and adequate research.

You mention counterarguments briefly in your first paragraph when you give the justifications for using age as a criteria in setting premiums. But these need to be developed further in their own paragraph after you give your reasons. Why would insurance companies not want to consider factors other than age? Concede or refute these views.

The two source you’ve cited are fine, but four sources are required. At least one source should support your counterargument.

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